Sleep, My Tarnished Silver (Snake)

[Tori Ashwood]

Sleep, my fallen cedar
Let me have your weakened pride to hold
And join my barren soil
...
Sleep, my flameless shadow
Let me cool the lingering fires of old
And carry only ashes in my soul

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Tori knew she had to talk to Snake.

It had been a day or two since Snake and Fox had gone at it in that alleyway, and since then, she had managed to get things straightened out with one of them. She and Fox had talked upon arriving at her house; it had been rough, emotionally grueling, especially with how she had begged Fox not to leave her. But... but it had gotten all emotions out in the open.

Now, she just had to do that with Snake.

Tori knew this one was going to be much harder than the talk with Fox. She was going to have to tell Snake that, despite the love she had in her heart for him, she just... couldn't be with him. Fox and the children needed her, and Tori needed someone that she knew would be there when she woke up each morning. If she was to give her heart to someone, she couldn't have that person leaving her all alone without any warning. That would shatter her.

Fox may not have known about her past, but it was obvious he had figured something out. He was always so careful with her, so hesitant whenever he had to touch her. At first, she had thought it was because he wasn't exactly keen with the thought of being near a human, but a quick talk with Falco had eased her thoughts. He knew that she was damaged, but Snake... Snake didn't. And while many might have considered that a good thing, Tori wasn't too sure.

Taking a deep breath, Tori tugged her coat around herself tighter, her eyes roaming over Snake's home. She was here; she had to talk to him now... As much as it was going to hurt them both, Tori knew that she had to do this. To ease both of their minds and their hearts.

Walking up to the door, Tori knocked.

[Solid Snake]

A hollow feeling hung over Snake. Like something had been taken from him. Like something wasn't there. Like something had left him behind.

Since he had left the hospital, he'd confined himself to his house. Snake didn't know what to do any more. He had spent his day staring at the phone, trying to get himself to pick up the phone and just talk to Tori. He wanted to tell her that he would overlook Fox. Snake knew what he had done, and he realized that it was Fox who had helped her through that. And even if he didn't like it, he owed Fox a lot.

It was the least Snake could do; he'd overlook it. But he wasn't even sure if Tori wanted him anymore. Her actions in the alleyway... Even when she realized it was him, it was Fox who captured her attention. And he knew then that this love might just be more important to her...

But Snake couldn't give up. He wouldn't go down without a fight. And for the rest of the next day, he actually used his oven and made cookies. It had taken him ages to figure out how to even work the damn thing, but he'd done it. Smiling to himself, he took out the cookies from the oven and put them all in a bag. "She can even give some to those nice kids," Snake chuckled.

Now all he had to do was bring them to her.

Snake jumped at the sound of knocking. Grabbing the bag in one hand, he walked towards the door. He looked through the peephole, and with a start realized it was Tori. He stepped back for a moment, trying to calm himself. With all his energy, he put on a smile as he opened the door. "I was just about to come over to see you. I made you cookies," he grinned.

[Tori Ashwood]

Tori was surprised that Snake answered the door that quickly. She was used to people taking a second or two, especially considering how the world was at the moment. But there hadn't even really been a moment of hesitation from Snake, and that made her step back.

She saw the smile on his face, heard his words, and felt her heart drop. But still, she forced her own smile to appear, and chuckled. "Thanks, Snake. But, um... visiting isn't a very good idea, at the moment. It's a weekend, and the kids are at home. I don't know how they would react to someone new. I guess I'm glad I came over then. Wouldn't want them freakig out, and calling Dad, and then..."

Tori knew she was rambling, and held up her hands, telling him not to say a word as she took a deep breath. Then, she glanced up at him.

"Can I come in? I think we need to talk about...everything."

[Solid Snake]

Snake nodded as Tori rambled. "Hey, then I'm glad you came over," he smiled. "I wouldn't want to disrupt things on your end. Especially for the kids and everything." Silently, he hoped that maybe what she was here about wasn't bad news... He didn't know what he'd do if that was what was about to happen.

Not after he had just learned how to use the oven and made cookies.

"Sure thing, come in," he said, inviting Tori in. Still, her showing up out of the blue unsettled him. He'd been expecting maybe a phone call... Either way, they were going to have to talk about all of this, and maybe in person was a better idea.

Much better than last time anyways.

Snake shut the door behind Tori and put down the bag of cookies. "You wanted to talk about everything? he asked cautiously.

[Tori Ashwood]

Tori stepped across the threshold of the house, and immediately her stomach plunged. She knew this was going to kill them, more than likely destroy their friendship as well. In all honesty, she prayed that wouldn't be the case; she loved and respected Snake more than anyone could imagine. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, but...

Somethings couldn't be avoided, she supposed.

"You wanted to talk about everything?"

Glancing down at her clasped hands, she shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other; nodded once. "Yeah, we... we kinda do need to talk. At least... I mean, we do. There's no doubt about it. A lot has happened, and," here, she glanced up at him, and hesitated again. Already, her heart was starting to crumble, though just around the edges.

"And I think we need to get everything out in the open."

[Solid Snake]

Snake could see the hesitation on her face. He had seen this act before. He was beginning to put two and two together. Why there was hesitance around her whole act, why she had a forced smile. And he didn't want to believe it. Not now.

Not from Tori.

Thoughts began to run through Snake's head. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. How hard the years had been without her. How, deep down, he had wanted to do this to impress her and show he could help her from another vantage point. How gut wrenching it was to think he was losing her again.

How much he truly loved her.

"I..." Snake choked. "I know. We have to get everything out in the open... And I... I need to do something too..." He didn't know what he was doing anymore, but he knew one thing: If she was going to go through with this, he wanted something in return.

Snake hesitated, then threw caution to the wind, closed the distance between them, and kissed her.

[Tori Ashwood]

Tori honestly wasn't expecting that.

All she saw was him striding over to her, and immediately tensed in preparation. Her heart quickened its pace; her lungs constricted painfully. All she could do, could think, was that she needed to prepare herself; she needed to get ready for what she was sure wasn't going to be something all too pleasant.

And then he kissed her.

At first, Tori's heartbeat increased tenfold. She felt herself tense, though her body's instinct to kiss back kicked in. Her lips began to move with his, her hand slipping up to touch his face. It was so easy, so... so very easy to kiss him. She loved him.

But she loved Fox, too. She loved the both of them, so much more than she had ever loved anyone else. It was hard for her to deal with all that was going on, and with the kiss...

Well, it was a kiss.

[Solid Snake]

Tori's response was all Snake needed for encouragement.

It felt so right, then and there. Kissing her... It felt natural. And the fact that Tori didn't fight it off, didn't try to stop... It did mean that she still had feelings for him. It meant that Snake still had a slim chance to win her back.

And Snake wasn't giving up yet.

Snake held on to the kiss for a few moments longer, knowing this may be the last. Slowly, he pulled back and looked into Tori's eyes. "Tori, I love you. And... I think I know why you're here. And I'm begging you, please don't do this. I love you. So so very much. And I... I know Fox was there for you when I couldn't. But please, believe me when I say it was supposed to help you, not hurt you," Snake begged.

"Please tell me you're not here to say goodbye."

[Tori Ashwood]

A quiet noise came from Tori's throat as Snake pulled away, out of the kiss, and licked her lips. For a moment, the young woman could only stand there, eyes half open as she tried to digest what had just happened, but it was so very hard to think with all the emotions running around in her heart.

She let her hand fall from where it was hovering in the air, where his face had been. Her eyes fluttered all the way open, though she still didn't say anything. Truthfully, Tori had no idea what she was supposed to say. She had come there to end it all, but also to beg for the chance to still keep their friendship. That was all she wanted.

And she was still sure about that. At least... She thought she was sure. Tori knew she loved Fox; she knew she wanted nothing more than to help raise his children. Marisaa and Jeremy were like her own babies. And Fox... God, she loved Fox.

But Snake...

"I... I came here to..." She took another deep breath, this time in an effort to try to dispel any lingering emotions. Tori had already made her choice; she just had to tell Snake about it. "I came here to talk to you."

So much for being direct.

[Solid Snake]

Tori's response gave Snake hope.

So she wasn't here to leave him. Maybe... Maybe she was here to tell him the opposite. Maybe Tori had decided to stay with him over Fox. Maybe, just maybe, she was here to tell him that she was ready to move on from Fox and start a new life with him.

Maybe.

"Talk is good," he smiled, the fear fading a little from his face. "Speak on your feelings Tori. Please, for my sake and yours."

[Tori Ashwood]

Tori bit her lip.

Great. Just... great. She had given him hope; worse, she had given him false hope. She was there to end the relationship, and allow the both of them to move on. Even thought Tori knew it would hurt the both of them, she knew she had to do this. It would be over much quicker if she did it this way.

She moved to the couch quietly, perching herself against the armrest. She wrapped her arms around her stomach in an attempt to hold everything in, hold it together. The sooner she did this, the sooner they could both grieve and then, hopefully, work on building their friendship back.

"You... you know that I love you, Snake," she murmured, reaching up to run her fingers through her short hair, "I... I mean, I love both of you. And it wasn't supposed to happen, between Fox and I. I mean, he had a wife, and I was just the 'bro' he hung out with. I loved those kids, and I often looked after them. It wasn't supposed to develop into anything more. Not from his part, anyway.

"And then Krystal died." Tori bit her lip again, wincing when her teeth dug too hard into the soft flesh. "And the Cannibal showed up. He came to my rescue, and just... took me away from there. It was like something I had imagined as a kid, only less romantic and more terrifying. But my childhood hero was there. And he had saved me."

Now she was babbling again, trying to get the right words out without being completely able to. Tori closed her eyes, taking another deep breath, "You know I love you," she repeated, "But those children need a mother. Fox needs someone to heal him. And I... I need someone to heal me."

[Solid Snake]

As Tori began to speak, his hopes rose. She was talking about why Fox wasn't supposed to happen in the first place, and it made him even more hopeful. <She's going to say we're gonna be fine...> he silently prayed.

Then she dealt the final blow.

Snake closed his eyes. What a fool he'd been. Thinking that somehow, Tori would choose him over Fox. Of course not. Fox was there for those two years, and Snake had been the one who'd left for mysterious reasons. They'd grown closer than they should have, and now that Krystal was out of the picture they could finally be together... and help each other through both their difficulties... and raise Fox's children... and be happy.

And he'd be moved to the friendship zone.

Forgotten.

"You came here, built me up, and smashed me to bits," Snake said quietly. "I... I guess I never was enough for you. You already had someone when I came back into the picture, even if you didn't admit it. And... And here I thought leaving would have helped your cause. Now all it's done is break me."

"And this is the part where you beg me to stay friends," he chuckled sadly. "And of course if I don't, I'll be a bad person. 'Cause you did this with such care and delicacy... And after enough years, I'll just... fade away..."

[Tori Ashwood]

Snake's words broke her.

With every word Snake broke, Tori felt herself crumbling to bits. Every syllable chipped away at her fragile heart, until there was nothing more than a shattered shell in its place. Tears welled up in her eyes, the emotions that her heart just simply couldn't hold. Not anymore; not after... not after that.

"No," she whispered, struggling to speak beyond the pain in her throat, "No, you won't... I won't let you... I didn't mean to... Oh, God, Snake, I'm sorry."

The tears were rolling down her face now; her eyes were wide with pain. She had never meant to hurt either one of them; she had never meant to do this to Snake. She loved him; she careed for him, but... But she just couldn't leave the children. Even if she could push past her feelings for Fox, there was just no way she could abandon his children.

"The last thing I wanted... God, don't you realize I still love you? I still care for you. It's not," Tori slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to stop the sobs that forced their way to the surface - and failing. "It's not like I... I mean... Snake, please, realize that. Realize how much I still care about you. I need you to still be there for me. With me."

[Solid Snake]

Snake looked sadly upon Tori as she grasped at straws. He knew that she wasn't here with malicious intentions. She didn't want to hurt anyone. But Snake knew that deep down, she must have realized that what he had said had truth to it.

And seeing her cry only made his heart ache more. "Tori..." he started, putting a hand to her face and gently wiping away her tears. Even though he knew that it wasn't him she wanted comforting her. It was Fox she wanted.

"I know you still care," Snake said softly, gently turning her face to look into his eyes. "I know that you think that's never going to happen. Tori, you have pure intentions, and I know you're not here to deliberately hurt me."

"But that's what's exactly going to happen. You don't need me any more. You only want me. Tori, you have someone else to comfort you, to care for you. And I know that he'll do that for you. I've seen how... the two of you..." Snake broke off, his breath caught in his throat.

"You don't believe me now, but you'll see as time goes on. Things will get busy, the children will grow up. You'll be happy. And I won't be needed," he continued sadly. "It's not like I haven't seen this story before. Tori, I want you to be happy. I really, really do. And if that's with... Fox..." Snake trailed off, unable to continue.

[Tori Ashwood]

Tori shook her head violently from side to side, "No. No, that's not true," she protested, even as he placed his hand against her cheek. Tori leaned into his touch. "I won't forget you, and I won't abandon you. I do need you, Snake. I... I really do."

Her eyes scanned his face, searching for any sign that he might actually believe her. Tori did need him, even if he refused to admit it. She needed more than just Fox; she needed other friends as well. She needed someone who would be there for her, someone who could help her when times got rough. She couldn't handle losing Snake.

"I've told you; I love both of you. I just... I have to be with him. He needs me. Those children need me. I can't just..." She swallowed the lump in her throat, closing her eyes for a brief second. "Don't do this to me. You've got to be there. You can't just leave me again."

Yeah, she had pulled that card. And Tori felt really guilty for using it, but at this point, she didn't have a choice. She knew Fox would never leave her; she had made him promise to stand by her. Even if the only reason he was there was because of his kids... At least he was there. She just had to get Snake to stay now.